Project Management
Certification & Training

Ongoing Saga of the Project From Hell

By Dick Billows, PMP, GCA Summary: This is the first article in the saga of the project from hell and the triumphs of our project-management superhero Chris Pimbock.

Descent into Hell from a Cocktail Lounge

You licked the salt from your lips and took another sip from your third strawberry Margarita of the evening before setting the tall pink glass down on the table. It sure was nice to relax. This last project had been tough: 8 months of working nights and weekends and project team members who fought like characters from a Sylvester Stallone movie.

One of your friends sitting across the cocktail table asked, "So, Pat, that big project finished on time?"

"Oh yeah," you answered taking a sip of the Margarita, "objective achieved, on time and within budget. The only problem is that it took five years off my life."

"Well," the friend concluded, "you'll get a break now, huh?"

"Absolutely. They've promised me 'comp' time and a nice bonus. I'm thinking of using it for a couple of weeks in the Bahamas . . . plenty of sun, relaxation and a few dozen of these." You held up the drink and took another sip.

As you put the glass down, you noticed that all your friends were looking across the cocktail lounge toward the door. You followed their glance as one of them said, "Who the hell is that crazy man?"

A tall man in a dark blue, pin-striped suit scurried from table to table, grabbing customers to look at their faces. He backed into a waiter carrying six mugs of beer that hit the floor in a sudsy crash. You wondered if this was the prelude to a massacre, and then you recognized the crazy man:   the Senior Vice President of your company.

Without a moment's thought, you dove under the table to hide, knowing exactly for whom the SVP was looking. "Pull my chair closer to the table," you whispered urgently to a friend.

Your head banged against the underside of the table and stuck . . . someone's bubble gum, no doubt. It didn't matter; the SVP must not find you. You toyed with the idea of crawling toward the exit and escaping to the Bahamas .

"Lose something under there?" A deep voice inches from your ear asked.

"No," you answered. "I collapsed from exhaustion. That last project was terrible I'm just beat . . . need rest."

"Not you,'' the SVP said with a smile and helped you to your feet. "You're raring to go on this next project. It's a doozy and we need to put our best project manager on it."

You groaned and faked a faint but the SVP caught you, gave you a light slap on the cheek and said, "This new project is something you can really sink your teeth into!"

"All my teeth fell out from exhaustion. I need time in the Bahamas to recover."

"You need time on this corporate reengineering project. It's a real challenge--change the culture of the whole organization . . . design, program and install new operating systems for every division . . . relocate the corporate headquarters to the suburbs and institute new compensations systems for all employees."

You moaned for real this time and did feel a little woozy. "I need rest, maybe in a couple of weeks..."

"Actually no," the SVP said with an embarrassed little smile. "We have a little Board of Directors meeting on Monday at noon . The President wants you to present the project plan to the Board so we can get started next week."

You grabbed for your Margarita but the SVP gently removed it from your hand saying, "We do need a plan by Monday, but it may not take you all weekend. The budget has been set at $5 million and the project has to be finished in 18 months so most of the planning has been done for you. Just fill in the details."

"I don't know anything about corporate culture change or a lot of the other things you..."

The SVP shook his head saying. "You're our best project manager. We want you to manage the project, not do all the work. Anyway I'm off for a ski weekend. Let's meet first thing Monday. Oh, one last thing. The President came up with this idea so he's the one who can give you the details. He's expecting you at his home at 8:00 AM tomorrow for breakfast. You 'd better prepare some questions."

The SVP gave you a friendly wave. You grimaced at your friends, waved and headed for home to work up some questions for the President to find out exactly what he wanted.